Inauguration Fun Facts!!!

After witnessing all the pimp and circumstance (Get it? Obaba's black.), it might be hard to believe that the only legal requirement of the incoming president is to take the fifteen word oath of office. All the balls, all the parades, all the celebrities, all the speeches, and all the bad poetry are only unnecessary layers that have accumulated over time. This morning, as I watch the movie Ghost, (Nobody puts baby in a corner, except for cancer.) I thought I would take some time to impart to you some of the lesser known inaugural facts and traditions:

• When one president relinquishes power to another, there is always a private letter left in the Resolute Desk for the incoming Commander in Chief. This is not a letter full of presidential secrets and wisdom. It is actually a story. Each President adds his own paragraph. The latest addition to the story has turned it into a picture book.
  

• The tradition of giving a speech after swearing in was started by George Washington. He thought that, given the occasion, he should say a few words to the American people. He also started the tradition of jerking off beforehand to calm him nerves. This has been repeated by every president save Lyndon Johnson, who had to jerk off after swearing in, due to the short notice of JFK getting shot in the head.

• Since the inception of photography, the incoming and outgoing presidents have posed for a photo together on Inauguration day. This photo is taken in the doorway of the Oval Office and is staged as follows: The door frame divides the picture into two halves. On the right, the outgoing President is standing in the Oval Office, leaning against the wall. His hand gently placed on the wood paneling next to his face. On the left side, the newly elected President is leaning against the hallway wall in much the same fashion. Divided. Yearning.
  

• The new President and First Lady have hot "Mr. President" sex. The outgoing President gets a hand job in a helicopter. 
  

• Before the inauguration, the soon to be President and his wife visit the White House to have a cup of coffee with the former President. This year Obama will be choosing tea over coffee. If the incoming president has young children, this meeting is also the first official opportunity he has to say, "Stop sweetie. Daddy's running the country. Go play with that old stuff." This year Obama will be saying this to Bush, rather than his own children. You see, they are better behaved.
  

Alright, now that I have shared these traditions with you, I need to share something else. I wrote half of this, and then came back the next day and wrote the other half. Why? Because, as I mentioned above I was watching the movie Ghost when I started writing this. "Hey, Bill. Then what happened?" Well, baby birds, I finish watching Ghost, and then it came on again. Let me make this clear, so we're all on the same page about what happened yesterday.

I WATCHED THE MOVIE GHOST TWICE IN ONE DAY, BACK TO FUCKING BACK.

Naturally, I was drunk the second time and couldn't finish this blog entry.
Obama, help me.