25 Things You Don't Know About Me.

• I haven’t used a pencil erasure since 1987, because that was the last time I made a mistake.
  
• I say cool and hip things like “trippin,” “swoll,” “off the chain,” and “me too.”
  
• Contrary to what Willow believes, I am in fact the greatest swordsman that ever lived, not Madmartigan.
  
• When I read mystery novels I have to stop half-way through because that’s when I figure them out.
  
• I designed a very popular line of hyper-color evening wear sold in Prague..
  
• I stayed up for 24 hours once, and during that time I won a wrestling match, caught a fish, kissed a girl, wrote a story, and built a chair. All of these things took place in the parking lot of a 7-11.
  
• I was a C-section, twice.
  
• In 2003 I launched an advertising business that advertises for an advertising company.
  
• I can hug a gay person without thinking I might be gay.
  
• I wrote this whole article with my eyes closed.
  
• I lit the wrong end of a cigarette once, and that was only because God spoke to me while I was lighting it.
  
• After six years, I finally convinced the fifth dentist to recommend Trident. 
  
• I have bailed three people out of debt and put four severely in debt.
  
• Bangorang.
  
• On September 11th, the terrorists thought I was in one of the towers.
  
• In Biloxi there are six streets named after me.
  
• Mi poto paroli Esperanto kun ease. Bitch.
  
• I donated my left kidney in 2002 and it grew back, so I donated it again in 2004.
  
• In my spare time I write additions to the Bible. My Bible is now over 14,000 pages long.
  
• When I play sports I will sometimes secretly switch teams in order to give myself the advantage. 
  
• The Dali Lama once thanked me for eating breakfast with him.
  
• In 1994 I dodged a bullet. It took three years before I discovered that I had actually been shot. 
  
• I will have three contributions in the next edition of "Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations" 
  
• My past lives brag that I am their future life.
  
• Every night before I go to sleep I play an entire game of Monopoly moving for all twelve pieces.