Haikus

I recently did some stage time in Manhattan at a show that was called "Haiku." Each comedian was invited to write a Haiku or two to read at some point in their set. I wrote 20. Here they are for your asian pleasure. 

fun with old people
dress in grim reaper costume
go to nursing home

sex in cardboard box
use your imagination
now its a space ship

earth floating in dark
so fragile in its soft shell
fuck bobby jindal

in line for santa
I'm also dressed as santa
children are crying

in a friends bathroom
ruler on back of toilet
for god's sake, don't touch

in a friends bathroom
ruler on back of toilet
gross, my friends a girl

Marlbero miles
there's one prize you cannot win
chemotherapy

dinner on Christmas
Christians love to dine on ham
this makes jews jealous

with luck, in future
dip'n dots will still exist
jokes about them won't

blind Stevie Wonder
dressed silly in 70's
his friends let him down

happy ending rub
ok at massage parlors
car wash, not so much

Darfur hunger strike
I don't think you should bother
they have that covered

people who sell pot
why don't you also sell snacks?
crunch berries in shwag

sex with blow up doll
not as awkward as you think
ok, that's a lie

homosexuals
constant state of confusion
I went to Starbucks

airport drug traffic
put baggies in your dogs ass
drug dogs should sniff there

suicide letter
more fun if it's a pop up
pull tab, wave goodbye

sexy time sweet talk
many mistakes are made
like, "nothing but net"

rape is not funny
I'm glad no one is laughing
um, yeah, this one sucks

I thought you were 12
two pedophiles meet in park
I thought you were 12